What is grand about having eternal life?

This journey of Christian faith, I have been struggling with it the past few weeks. Not that I have totally rejected the idea of God, or even the deity of Christ. I have some questions from time to time.

And so far, I think that these are healthy questions. Because I know that I am constantly in question of something important and foundational about life. And I question because it matters. And this inquiry-kind of faith experience allows me to sometimes let go of logical thinking and embrace while admittedly eyes close this whole thing about the personal relationship with someone bigger than who and  what I am.

This way of walking (by and) in faith gives me the momentary push to move on and continue my Christian walk. However, it does not satisfy fully the questions I have about my faith. It just leads to some finer and more important questions about the God I believe in.

I have friends surrounding me who deeply loves God and who are very religious about their beliefs. You see them having their regular quiet times, attend Sunday services and earnestly seek the Bible for direction and encouragement, as well as lead others in having and growing the faith.

I'm telling about them because just this afternoon, I told two of these Christian friends that I am having a difficulty grasping the notion of eternal life -the very basic concept of God's gift when one has a personal relationship with Christ. And I really am.


I told them that it's not easy for me at this moment to fully grasp the grandness and even the desire to want eternal life. You see, my life is not the comforting or easy life one wishes for. And since I've been in social services for more than a couple of years now, I see how "life" has been unfair to people --young children thrown in jail for no apparent reasons, children being neglected and abandoned, women being abused or even raped. There is no fullness in life in here, really.

Even in my personal life, there is no grandness or even the perfect, clear-cut meaning of it. I have been cheated and hurt by people I love. I have hurt and cheated others as well. Life, which should be characterized by giving and loving, is something that I am continually trying to practice. And even if there are minor glitches or failures on this part, life can STILL be monotonous and boring.

And so, I told these two friends that I cannot imagine having eternal life as something to look forward to. Well, they didn't say anything, except the long "okaaaaay..." reply. I don't think they are comfortable with me questioning such foundational concept.

Aside from answering the question I shared with them, I think they failed to see that I am really struggling about my faith-walk and dismissed it as just another philosophical talk. Probably uneasy with the conversation, they moved on to what they are doing.

Left hanging, I talked to the spaces between me and the two friends. I converse with the wall surrounding the place where I opened up my struggle. I told the spaces and the walls that good thing, I have a better grasp of the notion of "unconditional and unlimited love." Because unlimited love is something I can picture more than everlasting life. A love-of-no-condition is something more exciting and more rewarding for me than to live forever.

This better grasp of unconditional and unlimited love does not again fully answer my blurred handle of eternal life. But it is good enough to go on again, a little push enough to move to the Christian walk.

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I am not sure if many will be able to appreciate what I wrote. But if you do understand where I am coming from, please PM me or leave a comment here.