Toots

Hindi pa rin kita nadalaw, parekoi. Pinagbawal ng gobyerno bumisita ng sementeryo. Pero noong November 1, sayo ko inalay ang mahabahabang padyak ko noon. Inisip ko yung mga overnight natin noong high school, mga early morning jog at ligo sa aplaya. Nabalitaan ko na nagbibiskileta ka na rin kaya palagay ko appropriate na bigay pugay ko sayo ang pagbisikleta ko noong November 1.

Bigla din ang pagkawala mo. Parang lindol na yumanig sa amin ang balita. Guho lahat ng plano nating reunion sa Disyembre pre. Hindi mo kasi pinasabi kahit kanino na may sakit ka. Asawa mo lang kasama mo sa ilang beses mong sugod sa opsital. Nalaman na lang namin na nag-comatose ka na. Parekoi, mabilis kami rumesponde. At nagbigay ng kaya naming tulong at suporta sa asawa at mga anak mo. Kaya lang hanggang doon lang ang kaya namin dahil bawal pa magbyahe. 

Sa pagbagsak ng masamang balita, nalaman ko na dalawang araw lang ang binigay na pahintulot para sa  lamay. Di pa rin ako makapunta dahil sa lockdown. Damnit! Kahit ang pagluluksa ko, ninakaw ng pandemya. Hindi pa ako nakakapagpaalam sayo. 

Sana hindi ka nagtatampo. Tali ang kamay ko dahil sa covid. Dalaw ka minsan sa panaginip ko. Pero easy-han mo lang ha. Wag horror. Kwentuhan lang. Saka tsismisan ng buhay ng mga gusto at di natin gusto na tao. Saka bisikleta din tayo. Habilinan moko sa mga anak mo. Tapos ako naman, may mga ipapatanong ako sayong mga tanong sa Diyos. Baka lang pwede pabulong sa kanya. 

Orange like a burnt sunset.

I have a client at work that later on became a very close friend. She gifted me several fountain pen inks two years ago. She told me that it was for my soon-to-be promotion at work. I told her that I will open it once the promotion is official so that the event will not be jinxed. 

Two years has past and I haven't opened her gift. 

This friend keeps telling me how much she anticipates to know whether I like the inks or not. 

The pandemic sucked all the good things that this 2020 has to offer. And I badly needed a pick me up event. So I decided to open her gift. But promised to myself that I will only try one of the three inks. I am reserving the other two for my promotion. 

One of the inks she gave is the orange ink of pilot. In particular it's called Pilot Iroshizuku Yu-yake (sunset burnt orange). It is a wet and flowy ink that performs well on a medium nib to show a range of shade (red-orange to pale orange). 

I decided to use the Scrikss pen that I bought during my layover in Istanbul, my last out of country flight before the whole pandemic. I think it perfectly matches with the ink called burnt sunset. A sort of culmination of the happy times. 

I have also been writing a lot of prayers on my notebook. Frustration. Wishful thinkings. All the thoughts that has been piling and decaying in my mind.  

I sent this photo to my friend. And I told her I very much like how the orange ink changes its shading as I write on the paper. I also told her that I am very much thankful for her. She cringed. Just like when eating burnt orange. 

Very appropriate.