Showing posts with label life is a highway. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life is a highway. Show all posts

Friday, April 16, 2021

MECQ note to self

I used to mentor a very athletic college student who did not like the undergraduate course he's taking. I told him to shift out of that course and take B Sports Science as a premed. 

He was able to enter and finish the BSS program, joined the wrestling and weight training club in the University and breezed through his college classes. 

He's now a doctor. Yesterday, we reconnected via messenger. Despite not hearing his voice, his messages exhibits exhaustion. 

Two of his messages yesterday were these: 

Totoo. Meron nga po ako isang patient buong family nila na admit. Di inakala ng mag asawa na last time na nila magkikita sa ER. namatay yung husband.

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

March 1 return to work

This March, a lot of us has been called back to physically report to work. Despite the slow rollout of vaccine and the continuous threat of being infected by Covid-19 virus, the government has started encouraging the return to usual mode of work because our economy has suffered a lot. It is as if, economy is a vital, living, precious being that outweighs the value of human lives. 

For more than nine months, I have struggled adjusting to the online mode of office and administrative work, heavily depending on my own effort to look for ways to get a stable internet connection in a very rural and agricultural area where I was stocked since the first lockdown. I was tagged as a locally stranded individual (LSI) in a barangay in Laguna, away from my friends and workmates, displaced from my home in Quezon City. 

Like any responsible employee, I developed a system to ensure that the company where I am employed is able to still get the deliverables it expects of me. My mental wellbeing suffered as well as my physical health. Being restricted of any movements outside my residence, I stay in my work space from 7AM to almost 12 midnight. Workload has tripled as everyone is trying to migrate to distant mode of transaction. 

I have a better grasp of my work by February 2021 only to find out that I need to go back to the old way of work starting March. I have wished for so long for the day that I will go back to the pre-pandemic working system. But now that this wish was granted, I am surprised that I am very hesitant and doubtful if I can survive another wave of adjustments. 

I have been regularly seeing my doctor and the meds given to me has helped me rest my mind and not overthink and worry. And I don't want to go to another downward spiral because of another abrupt adjustment. 

Oh Lord. Have mercy. 

Saturday, February 6, 2021

Breathing lessons*

I worked with preschool children for a significant number of years.  There's a technique that I have learned in order for them to calm down whenever they have a negative emotion, or just mellow down when they have so much energy.

It's the "smell the flower and blow the candle" technique. I just have to instruct them to pretend holding a flower on one hand and a candle on the other hand. And then I just tell them, "Everybody smell the flower. (Inhale). And blow the candle. (Exhale)."

This also works with the adults. I was asked to facilitate several mindfulness based cognitive exercises to a women's varsity volleyball. Conscious, slow breathing allows them to focus on the present and lessen the worry for the future or be anxious about their past mistakes in the game. They even had this "Smell the flower, blow the candle" printed in their shirts that they use whenever they practice hard.

Posting this random topic here in blogosphere in case someone might need to just breath and be present. 

*Pasintabi kay Anne Tyler

Thursday, October 8, 2020

Shitty shit, shit.

Starting March 15, like many, I have been working from home. I was in Laguna just to spend the weekend with my family, when the lockdown happened. I remember that I only brought my laptop, my headphone, two pairs of jeans, three underwear and three black shirts with me. 

March 15, I became a locally stranded individual. Just a bit lucky that I am in my sister's house in South Luzon. I cant go back to my own home in the Metro. There were no public transportation. And I dont own a car. 

I only came to my workplace in Quezon City twice. The first was two months ago. I needed to get several printed documents. The other one was last Wednesday. I needed to sign some vouchers so that funds can be released and utilized. My brother in law drived for me on those two occasions. 

I have been contacted today by the health liaison officer and has been advised to self isolate for 14 days. One of those who came to me to sign some documents tested positive. I dont have any COVID symptoms but I have high anxiety right now. I might still be an  asymptomatic COVID positive person. And I am staying in the house with two senior citizens. 

So now, on top of my medication that makes me sluggish, I need to self isolate. This year is shitty. I can't see any redemption about this year. And this might spillover in 2021. Lord, have mercy. 

Sunday, October 4, 2020

Proof of life

Been on medication for quite a while now. The capsule allows me to sleep eight hours or more at night and walk and think slow during the day. 

Hope you, my friends, are better.

Friday, May 8, 2020

Better than old school porn

Kanina, para akong naghahabol ng mga kabayo dahil matatapos ang linggo at magsasara sa weekend ang ilang mga opisina online. Nagresolve din kasi ako na dahil parang wala ng boundary ang ora sng trabaho at ang personal na buhay, hindi ako mag-email sa mga tao ng weekend.

So habang deadline, bigla na lang nagmessage si Jo sa akin. Bigyan mo nga ako ng old school porn movie.

Saturday, May 2, 2020

ECQ diary

Kumusta kayo since Luzon lockdown?

Ako during the first two weeks, hyper-productive. Nagtry mag-function sa trabaho na parang normal lamang. After two weeks, napagod ako. At nagalit sa trabaho. Kasi kaka-promote ko lang ng January at hindi ako pwedeng tigil trabaho pero sumesweldo katulad ng iba. Kailangan ko magtrabaho na parang nakasalalay sa akin ang function ng ibang opisina.

Third at fourth week since lockdown, dina-drag ko na lamang ang sarili ko. Hyper-productive pero may resentment. Kaya mas lalong mabigat ang trabaho. Di ko pinapakita sa mga katrabaho ko, Di ko rin pinapakita sa pamilya ko. Kasi parte ng work ko ang public relation. At kailangan na maging masipag para sa opisina na nili-lead ko.

Friday, February 21, 2020

Mabilisang pag-alaala

Sinimulan ko yung blog na ito nung nagtatransition ako sa trabaho. Ito din yung panahon na nag-undergo ako ng therapy. Mas magulo pa sa bulbol ang buhay ko noon.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

Panaginip noong June 20 ng madaling araw

May panaginip ulit ako. This time, kasama si Heart Evangelista. Siya daw yung driver ko sa tricycle.

Siya daw pumilit sa akin na magtricycle na lang kesa maghabalhabal. So yes, probinsiya ang setting.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

Dorm 11 (Yung ahas na pinatay ng tatay ko at yung ahas na lumilingkis sa akin)

ONE. 
Lahat kami, hindi na umuuwi sa bahay sa Nasugbu na kinalakihan naming lahat. Ang isa kong kapatid, nasa Cambodia. Dun niya na-meet ang fiance niya. At mukhang dun na siya magse-settle. Yung isa kong kapatid, nasa Los Baños. Nandun na siya nakatira kasama ng asawa at anak niya. Yung mga magulang ko, madalas nasa Los Baños para alagaan ang nag-iisang apo. Ako naman, bagamat hinahanap ang simoy ng malansang dalampasigan ay nakontento at tumigil na sa matrapik na lungsod sa Quezon City.

Dahil multi-sited na ang pamilya namin, laging malaking ganap kapag ang isa sa amin ay uuwi ng Nasugbu.

Noong isang araw, nagmessage sa family group chat ang erpats ko. Sinabi niya na naglinis siya ng bahay namin sa Nasugbu at nakakita ng dalawang metro na sa sawa. Sabi niya, noong nakaraang gabi, tahol ng tahol ang aso ng kapitbahay. Tapos kagabi, mga aso naman namin ang taho ng tahol. Nang sinilip ng erpats ko, ayan na ang ahas. Mukhang nagtrespassing. Mula sa bahay ng kapitbahay namin, sa amin na.

Siyempre, ang erpats ko, sanay pumatay ng mga sawa. True Brown Style OG yata siya. Syempre joke lang, Pero sanay talaga mang murder ang tatay ko ng mga trespassing na ahas.

So ayun ang laman ng maingay na mga Ping! sa group chat namin sa pamilya.


TWO. 
Matatapos ko na ang thesis ko tungkol sa mga batang nakagawa ng pagkakamali at nakalabag ng batas. Eight years in the making, tsong. Daig pa ang dissertation na multi-sited ethnographic study.

Sa trabaho ko, maya't maya sila nangangamusta at nagchi-cheer. Pero sa totoo lang, ikaw sana ang gusto ko kakwentuhan at pasalamatan noon pa sa pagtatapos nito.

Kita mo noong nasa dorm tayo kung paano ako ka-eager beaver na tulungan ang mga children in conflict with the law. Tapos noong bigla kang nawala, syempre halos wala na akong kakwentuhan tungkol sa ginagawa kong data gathering.

Nitong bumalik ka na pero syempre nasa ibang apartment at malayo sa dati nating lugar, at tinanong mo ako kung gusto kita maging roommate. Bigla akong nagpaalam sa landlady at landlord natin. At agad na sinamahan ka sa isang apartment sa Cubao.

Nagsusubok ka magrecover. Mula sa matagal mong pagkawala sa kalakaran ng naghaharing sistema. Madalas mainit ang ulo mo. Pero iniintindi ko. Ang importante buhay ka. At gracefully na bumaba mula sa serbisyo mo upang bumalik sa iniwanan mong mundo.

Unti-unti na rin natin mini-meet ang mga barkada natin at pamilya mo. Habang unti-unti kong tinatapos ang thesis ko. Hindi pa natin napapag-usapan ang pagdedesisyon mo na bumalik sa Quezon City. Pero hindi pa yun ang mahalaga sa akin. Ang importante sa akin ay maalalayan ka sa tengeneng kurap at bulok na sistema na meron tayo sa lipunan.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

‘Be Yourself’ was released as a single on this day in 2005.






Iba rin yung memory ng kantang ito. Third year college ako noon at gusto ko na mag-quit mag-aral. Bukod sa kanta ni Bamboo, ito yung nagpapakalma sa akin. Malakas na malakas ko tong pinatutugtog. Hanggang magkaroon ng sense kung bakit pa ako nag-aaral. 


Di ko talaga nakita yung connection ng kanta sa hinahanap kong tanong sa existential question na yun. Pero dahil angsty ako noon na bagets, parang may sense talaga siya sa akin.  


Sharing with you portion of its lyrics

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Dear Diary 2018 chapter

Maligayang bagong taon!

Yung picture diyan 'yung pagsuma ng mga kaganapan sa buhay ko ngayong bagong taon.

1. Natapos na ang sessions ko sa mindful mood balance. May mga ilang technique dun na pinag-usapan na namin gawin ng therapist ko few years ago. Meron ding mga meditation technique na bago.

Di pa ako fully sold out dito kaya binabasa ko ngayon yung libro.

2. Nag-aadik din ako ngayon sa tender juicy hotdog. Impluwensiya ng kaibigan kong parang bata kapag hinahainan ng hotdog sa hapag-kainanan. Childhood food niya kasi yun kaya kapag may handang pritong hotdog, kahit matanda na siya, maligalig na parang bata. Naenjoy ko siya kainin ngayon dahil natutuwa ako sa kaibigan kong yun.

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Ode to Eve















Imagine a mother
giving birth
to a child
who doesn't know
she's giving birth
to a child
She thinks she's dying
but she's bringing life
to a world
and prolonging life in that world.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Naruto, ang bombilya at ang philosophical discussion natin

Habang pareho tayong nagtatrabaho sa Starbucks sa may Sta Lucia:

Ikaw: Nakita mo na yung Ep 461 Season 17 ng Naruto Shippuden?

Ako: Sandali. Check ko 'yung title ng episode. *after a few clicks* Ah, yung istorya nina Hagoromo at Hamura? Oo. Napanood ko na. 

Ikaw: Naalala ko 'yung tree of life sa Genesis.

Ako: Parang ganun nga 'yung storyline. Pareho lang lalaki instead na si Adan at Eba. 

Ikaw: Saka hindi Diyos pero isang nanay mula sa kalawakan. 

Ako: Oo nga. Naalala ko na. Bakit mo natanong?

Ikaw: Napaisip kasi ako kung 'yung tema ng mga buhay natin e parang recycled tema lang. 'Yung iba lang 'yung detalye pero nangyari na. 

Ako: Di ko gets.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Bo's Coffee sa Il Terrazo, April 5

Snippet sa reunion namin ng mga kaibigan ko:

B: Uy, alam mo bang nag-grad studies na si A (*ex ko)?

Ako: Di ko alam. Nag-unfollow na ako sa kanya sa FB siguro a year after namin magbreak. 

R: Si S (*ex ko rin) naman, mukhang nag-eenjoy sa kanyang mga arki gig.

Ako: Nag-unfollow ako kay S siguro 5 years ago.

B: Bakit ka nag-a-unfollow lang. Ako nung binata, nag-unfriend ako ng ex ko.

R: Haha. Ako naman, bina-block ako ng mga ex ko. 

B: Bakit contact mo pa rin sa FB yang mga ex mo?

Ako: Bakit nga natin sila pinag-uusapan?

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Para kay J



Nawawala ako tuwing nakikita ko
ang kagandahan mo.
Ang balat mo na tumitingkad
sa sikat ng araw.
Ang maalon mong buhok
na sumasayaw sa sa dampi ng hangin
at marahan mong binibigkis.
Ang malimit mong pagpikit ng mata
tuwing hihigop ka ng mainit na kape

matapos nating magtanghalian sa Katag.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Seks post

Sharing with you the study entitled, Old ideals and new realities: the changing context of young people's partnerships in Cebu, Philippines. This was done in 2012 by Gipson, J et.al. and was published in Culture, Health & Sexuality: An International Journal for Research, Intervention and Care. 

The setting for this study is Metro Cebu. Quantitative data are derived from the Cebu Longitudinal Health and Nutrition Surveys (CLHNS), an ongoing longitudinal study of a cohort of mothers and their index children born in 1983–1984. Focus group discussions (FGDs) and in-depth interviews (IDIs) were used to explore the multiple systems that influence the lives of the young people in the study. 

Here are the salient points of the study:

  • ·      Study participants indicated that in the case of pregnancy, the consequences are more severe for a woman and her family. A young woman will often stop her studies and cease working once she discovers she is pregnant, when the pregnancy becomes evident or when she is physically unable.
  • ·      For women, the decision to get married was dependent on her parents, but was even more dependent on her partner. Given that most partnerships were precipitated by a pregnancy, women and their families were portrayed as essentially powerless, left to the whims of the male partner to decide whether or not to accept responsibility for the woman and the pregnancy.
  • ·      There is significant discordance between the predominant norms regarding young people’s lives and the reality. Despite persistent disapproval of premarital sex, even among younger generations, the majority of respondents (64% of males and 44% of females) in our sample reported that they had sex before entering in to a formal partnership, either cohabitation or marriage.
  • ·      Religiosity and educational attainment appeared to influence women’s life event patterns, yet this was not the case for young men.
  • ·      Urban men and men from wealthier households were more likely to engage in sex before a partnership. This effect remained after controlling for education, indicating that there may be factors associated with living in these environments that may make sex more attainable for these young men.
  • ·      For both young men and young women, there were strong effects of risk behaviors on partnership patterns.
  • ·      For young men, urban residence and engaging in risk behaviors had a synergistic, interactive effect, indicating that these two factors placed young men at an even greater risk of sex before partnership.
  • ·      Formal courtship and the emphasis on meeting one another’s parents have shifted to more informal and casual encounters and through outings with friends. Although these practices are not risky in and of themselves, parents’ lack of knowledge or acceptance of these changing norms may create a situation in which young people surreptitiously frequent these locales to fit in with peers or may rebel against parents who are perceived to be too strict.
  • ·      Alcohol was mentioned in several contexts, among both married and unmarried respondents, and often precipitated sudden and unprotected sexual encounters, exposing young people to unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
  • ·      Among young people who had sex before the 2005 survey, the majority (52%) said that their first sexual experience was something they either ‘did not want to happen’ (12%) or ‘did not plan to happen’ (40%), another 3% reported that their first sexual experience happened ‘against their will’. Similarly large proportions of coerced first sex have been reported in national data from the Philippines, with the highest rates among younger women (Natividad and Marquez 2004).


*Because this seems to be a long post compared to the usual length of my blog entries, I highlighted in bold letters the findings that I wanted to emphasize. Para sa katulad kong tamad magbasa. **You may download the full article here

Monday, September 5, 2016

Seks at serbesa

Sa tig-isang bote ng serbesa, nag-usap tayo tungkol sa kanya-kanya nating nakaraan. Ikaw na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pinapayagan kitain ang unang taong inalayan mo ng puri, at ako na hindi na pinapansin ng huli kong naikama.

Sabi ko, may hang-ups tayo sa seks. Natigil tayo sa mundo ng huling intimacy samantalang ang mga nakasama natin sa kama ay naka-move on na sa buhay.

Hindi ko kaya 'yung ginagawa niya, sabi ko habang nasa ispirito na ng ikatlong bote. Hindi ko kaya na isaisang tabi yung valid na pakiramdam ng nagmahal.

Sira ka. Hindi mo nga sigurado kung pag-ibig yun. Nakasama mo lang sa kama, sabi mo.

E bakit ikaw, naghihintay pa rin ng pagkakataon na hindi na kayo pagbawalan na magkita at mag-usap? hamon ko habang tiningnan ka ng diretso sa mata.

E ayun, mahal ko yun. Kaya nga sa kanya ko lang binigay e.

Seks pa rin yun.

Tahimik na natin inubos ang ikalawang bote mo, habang ako nasa ikaapat ko na ng red horse.

Malaking tama sa akin ang usapang iyon. Hindi natin naresolba ang malinaw na linya na naghahati sa pag-ibig na walang seks o seks na may pag-ibig.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

OP in Cebu

I'm in Cebu City for almost a week now writing a paper. I'm on a deadline so I make sure that my life here is a routine. My days though are pretty much easeful compared to when I am in Manila.

I'm usually in a local coffee shop starting 8am til mid noon. My nights are usually uneventful, and I'm very much thankful for this. I have more time to read a book or watch movies on my laptop. While drinking Merlot. The liiiiiiife!

Miss you all, blogger friends!

OP


Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Nood kayo. Nood tayo.

Hi friends! Ito ang schedule sa UP Film Center sa UP Diliman. Timbrehan niyo ako kung nasa area ako. Di ko sure kung nandun din ako pero kung sakali, malay niyo, magkita tayo. Haha. Here's the schedule: