I have a lot of friends and family of friends who died of COVID-19. And for the past two years, I have been grieving.
I also had a lot of personal breakthroughs. Most of them are related to career growth and my struggle for my mental health. Little joys from little battles won on a daily basis.
Many of my personal values have changed after facing heads on to this pandemic. For example, I thought that I would rather spend my time with some few friends or focus on work and survive this pandemic. However, this pandemic has drove me to stay with my family despite the hassle of readjusting with living with people them despite living solo since 2003. I rather see how my family is doing compared to checking how my friends are.
The current work that I have dreamed of, became the most dreaded worked I have ever done. Remote, unpersonal, transaction because of lock downs killed my desire to wake up and provide services to the public.
I thought that I will not survive without a church. But I did. I have kept my faith. But I have simplified my theology. Love God above all. And love others as I love myself. Other things are just secondary. Because of this, I have been less focused on personal sins and mistakes and have focused more discovering the Living God that I have surrendered my life to. I have also been living lightly (magaan) because sins do not matter anymore. Ohhh, the grace of God is so intoxicating and freeing.
I miss travelling on air. I miss crossing borders. But during the pandemic, I have rediscovered biking and commuting. And walking. I have been travelling using the public utility vehicles, and it is wonderful. I have also enjoyed the adrenaline bof getting lost and having no travel plans.
Life is really short. My highschool best friend died not of COVID-19 during lockdown, but of cancer. And until now, I miss him so much. I miss our banters. And updates on shallow things about life and sex and relationships and families.
I have also cut down my credit card since it is not making life easier. The bank I am with for the past four years has not coped well with the pandemic. It has become a burden transacting with them. So I have to take my three steps forward and bid them goodbye.
How are you all? Do you still write?
