Kwentong amaretto sour

Ikaw: Inom tayo. Subukan natin ang cocktails nila.

Ako: Ha? Di ako maalam diyan. Wala naman ganyan sa amin.

Bagong salta lang ako sa Quezon City mula sa probinsiya.

Nung highschool ako, pomelo gin lang ang binabarik. Dito kung ano-ano 'yung pagpipilian. May long island iced tea, may black russian, may mojito, wengweng at kung ano-ano pa.

Ikaw: Wag mong gagamitin yung salitang "maalam". Sabihin mo lang, "Di ko alam."

Medyo tumahimik ako.

Dorm 11 (Yung ahas na pinatay ng tatay ko at yung ahas na lumilingkis sa akin)

ONE. 
Lahat kami, hindi na umuuwi sa bahay sa Nasugbu na kinalakihan naming lahat. Ang isa kong kapatid, nasa Cambodia. Dun niya na-meet ang fiance niya. At mukhang dun na siya magse-settle. Yung isa kong kapatid, nasa Los Baños. Nandun na siya nakatira kasama ng asawa at anak niya. Yung mga magulang ko, madalas nasa Los Baños para alagaan ang nag-iisang apo. Ako naman, bagamat hinahanap ang simoy ng malansang dalampasigan ay nakontento at tumigil na sa matrapik na lungsod sa Quezon City.

Dahil multi-sited na ang pamilya namin, laging malaking ganap kapag ang isa sa amin ay uuwi ng Nasugbu.

Noong isang araw, nagmessage sa family group chat ang erpats ko. Sinabi niya na naglinis siya ng bahay namin sa Nasugbu at nakakita ng dalawang metro na sa sawa. Sabi niya, noong nakaraang gabi, tahol ng tahol ang aso ng kapitbahay. Tapos kagabi, mga aso naman namin ang taho ng tahol. Nang sinilip ng erpats ko, ayan na ang ahas. Mukhang nagtrespassing. Mula sa bahay ng kapitbahay namin, sa amin na.

Siyempre, ang erpats ko, sanay pumatay ng mga sawa. True Brown Style OG yata siya. Syempre joke lang, Pero sanay talaga mang murder ang tatay ko ng mga trespassing na ahas.

So ayun ang laman ng maingay na mga Ping! sa group chat namin sa pamilya.


TWO. 
Matatapos ko na ang thesis ko tungkol sa mga batang nakagawa ng pagkakamali at nakalabag ng batas. Eight years in the making, tsong. Daig pa ang dissertation na multi-sited ethnographic study.

Sa trabaho ko, maya't maya sila nangangamusta at nagchi-cheer. Pero sa totoo lang, ikaw sana ang gusto ko kakwentuhan at pasalamatan noon pa sa pagtatapos nito.

Kita mo noong nasa dorm tayo kung paano ako ka-eager beaver na tulungan ang mga children in conflict with the law. Tapos noong bigla kang nawala, syempre halos wala na akong kakwentuhan tungkol sa ginagawa kong data gathering.

Nitong bumalik ka na pero syempre nasa ibang apartment at malayo sa dati nating lugar, at tinanong mo ako kung gusto kita maging roommate. Bigla akong nagpaalam sa landlady at landlord natin. At agad na sinamahan ka sa isang apartment sa Cubao.

Nagsusubok ka magrecover. Mula sa matagal mong pagkawala sa kalakaran ng naghaharing sistema. Madalas mainit ang ulo mo. Pero iniintindi ko. Ang importante buhay ka. At gracefully na bumaba mula sa serbisyo mo upang bumalik sa iniwanan mong mundo.

Unti-unti na rin natin mini-meet ang mga barkada natin at pamilya mo. Habang unti-unti kong tinatapos ang thesis ko. Hindi pa natin napapag-usapan ang pagdedesisyon mo na bumalik sa Quezon City. Pero hindi pa yun ang mahalaga sa akin. Ang importante sa akin ay maalalayan ka sa tengeneng kurap at bulok na sistema na meron tayo sa lipunan.

Medyo malulungkot si Carl Rogers sa medyo palpak ko pang implementation ng unconditional positive regard

Alam ng mga kaibigan ko na advocate ako ng restorative justice. Kaya nga nagtrabaho ako sa kulungan.

Minsan sa isang binyag ng anak ng isang kaibigan, ako ang pinag-initan. May kaibigan kasi dun sa grupo na yun na pro-tokhang at pro pagpatay 'pag dating sa mga "users". 

Nakwento ko ang tungkol sa karanasan ko sa rehabilation ng mga sinasabi niyang "users" na kung saan, may mga ilan sa mga iyon ang di talaga gumagamit. 

Nakwento ko rin ang tungkol sa kung nasaan na sila ngayon, ano ang trabaho nila after nila "makulong". Binida ko syempre ang mga kliyente ko. Although sinabi ko rin sa kanila ang kinahinatnan ng mga bigong matulungan. Para hindi bloated o romanticized development work.

Self-centered na post 2

Hindi ko matapos-tapos ang modelo ng programa na ginagawa ko para sa mga kabataan sa kulungan. Noong Abril ko pa sinimulan ito. Sa Martes ko na dapat ipakita sa adviser ko sa Masteral para mapulido para sa presentasyon sa Sabado. Mga clinical workers ang uupo na panel kaya hihimayin ang teorya at praktis sa modelo na kinakana ko.

Simple lang naman ang layunin ng programa na binubuo ko. Magkaroon ng rehabilitasyon ang mga bata at kabataang nangangailangan nito at hindi lamang bigyan ng parusa ang mga nagkasala. Ang paglabag sa batas, lalo na ng mga kabataan ay isang malalim na usapin ng kahirapan, karahasan, maling pagpapalaki ng magulang at kawalan ng panglipunang hustisya. Hindi ito basta-basta masusolusyunan ng pagkukulong o pagkundina sa kanila.

Ginagapang ko ang pagbuo ngayon ng konsepto ng counseling at psychotherapy. Buo na kasi ang konsepto ng service delivery ng case management. Kulang lang ang pagtugon sa pagbibigay ng therapeutic intervention.

Palaboy sa radyo

Ayan ako sa pinakagilid, bumu-broadcast media na. Hihi.

Dapat talaga, gagawa lang ako ng iskrip para sa isang kapwa faculti. Ang usapan namin, akin ang iskrip, siya ang magsasalita.

Ang sitwasyon kasi ay naatasan kami na maging panauhin sa isang programa sa radyo ng unibersidad. Dahil ayoko ng nagsasalita sa radyo, sabi ko ako na magresearch tungkol sa paksa na tatalakayin, at ako na gagawa ng iskrip.

Bilang moral na suporta sa araw ng interbyu, sumama ako sa istasyon ng radyo sa unibersidad. Nilinaw ko sa host ng programa na imbisibol ako. Yung kasama kong faculti lang ang sasagot sa lahat ng tanong. Pero na-bully ako at literal na pinagsalita sa mic. Nakakahiya naman na magka-dead air kaya napilitan ako magsalita. Buti na lang, marami akong alam tungkol sa paksa: mga pamantayan sa pagpili ng regalong laruan ng mga bata ngayong kapaskuhan.

Boodle fight

Boodle fight is a style of eating where long tables are prepared and food are on top of the banana leaves. Viands and rice ready to eat using your bare hands, jugs of water are prepared on the side to wash hands before the "eating combat". With the signal to start the boodle fight, everyone aims for his/her position.

Eto yung isang therapeautic activity na ginawa namin sa isang youth detention center para solusyonan ang nakikitang espasyo sa pagitan ng mga kawani ng detention center pati na rin ng mga kabataan na pinagsisilbihan ng mga kawani.

Epektibo talaga ang pagkain bilang midyum ng pagsasama-sama at pagkakaintindihan. Instant bonding activity. Mas nakapag-usap ang mga kawani at mga kabataan. Sa maikling panahon, nakita nila na pwede silang may pagkaintindihan.

Ang pagtuturo ng bata ay hindi lamang patungkol sa pagbabasa at pagsusulat

Ganito ang trabaho ko. Hindi lamang turuan ang mga bata na magbasa at sumulat at bumilang. Nagbibigay din ako ng pagkakataon sa mga bata para matutunan nila ang pagsasarili (independence), pagsusumikap, at paniniwala na maraming bagay ang kaya nilang gawin.

Kung hindi pa kaya ng mga bata ang komplikadong pagbubuhol ng sintas ng sapatos, bibigyan natin sila ng simpleng direksyon para ang unang hakbang ng pagtatali ng sintas ay magampanan nila ng sarili lamang nila. At kapag may  husay na ang payak na paraan ng pagsisintas, saka na natin ituturo ang mahirap na paraan.

Ang importante, sinusubukan ng mga bata. At nakikita nila na kaya nila. At madami pa silang pwedeng kayanin.

Another day in detention center

One of the clients I had ,let's call him Jay*, didn't finish the diversion program his family court has given him. He never reported back to the rehabilitation center where he was placed, both by us and the court. He was supposed to finish the 6 month program in the rehab center. On his 30th day, he escaped. Tumakas, ika nga. Because of that, a warrant of arrest will be soon issued to Jay. And some minors that we have in the detention center learned about it.These minors knew that I helped in fast facilitation of diversion program of the minor. A rather defiant minor approached me and said, "Sir, were you not ashamed that the one you helped is not worthy of the help you gave? Tumakas siya. Hindi ba daw ako nahihiya sa ginawa ko?

I was shocked by the sudden and amusing question. It was really interesting. Why would I be ashamed in the first place? Did I do something wrong? From the last time I check, I wasn't the one who disobeyed the court order regarding the diversion program.  I was ready to be defensive but the curious side of me made me stay quiet for a few seconds. Then, instead of explaining myself, I probe further where his question was coming from.

That total of ten hours hiking

I keep on saying this mantra: It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop. I think it was from Confucius. Yes another brilliant Chinese that I keep quoting whenever I feel threatened. Hahaha
The sun is up. Compared to the night before that was raining hard and long, the day I went crazy is a sun-filled day. Thank you God!

I saw myself eating my own words when I found myself hiking in Bataan. Five hours of walking, balansingm grabbing roots during uphill and downhill, avoiding sharp wild grass Just to see the waterfalls promised by my ex-boss in an NGO that works with children in conflict with the law.

Agos ng buhay

This is the visual representations of the lives the children in conflict with the law I'm helping out. The activity is called River of Life.

What they do is draw a river which represents their own time line. They will be giving unique characteristics of the river at different stages of their lives.

This technique in drawing allows me to initially see how children perceive their lives. Mapping of several significant life events (separation of parents, death of a love one, dropping out of school, a sister getting married, getting honors in school) can be distinctly identified.

Waiting for my momentum

Here in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Technohub, Quezon City drinking my Moroccan mint tea latte. Waiting for my momentum to build up. I will be meeting my faculty supervisor in my fieldwork for this semester to present to him the model that I have come up with in terms of working with children in conflict with the law.

Generally, I have a good idea of what I still need to do. The problem is, I don't want to do it now. Batugan mode. Why does it has to be difficult to gain diligence when in it comes to writing? If writing is something related to spiritual realm, I sure I'm a dune with no sand. Isn't it sad, sad, sad?

Earning that one way trip ticket to heaven?

I saw a letter of one of the youth in detention center for her mum. It read, "I am sorry for all the problems I have caused you. I am sorry that I might not go to heaven because I cannot go to church together with you all. The longer I stay, the bigger the chance that I will go to hell."

That happened three days ago. And it bothers me. REALLY. I cannot handle the fact that a person who has been detained, who has been pulled out from his usual daily living, is now concerned about where he will go after his life on earth. (I have a theory that people are opened to spiritual realm when they are incarcerated. But that's another topic.) It is bothering to know that because one cannot go to a building where there is corporate gathering of people of the same faith, that might cost him his eternal destination.

The end is near

“Woman with Dead Child” (1903) by Kathe Kollwitz depicts one of the saddest events in the human experience—a mother saying goodbye to her deceased child. The etching is one of the many examples of Kollwitz’s pieces that address unfortunate situations such as poverty and early loss. Interestingly enough, Kollwitz used her own living son as the model for the young boy. Coincidently, Kollwitz would experience the actual loss of her son fifteen years later in World War I (NYU Literature, Arts, and Medicine Database

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Here's something personal. I don't look at people's eyes when they wave goodbye.

Group work in the detention center

I was very nervous and hesitant to handle some children in conflict with the law for a group work. Nervous since I will not have the full control of who will join the group since it will be an open invitation to all youth in the detention center. Hesistant since I know that my knowledge and experience as a clinical social work practitioner will be challenged.

Now that the group is on it's third month and about to end, I have mixed emotions. I'd like to extend my time in the detention center and in effect extend the group work sessions. I have been looking forward to meetings as much as they do. It was only during these times that I don't have to exert outside force for the group work members to participate. They're initiating things on their own now. They are even taking charge on giving direction for the group itself. And I know that it is one of the signs that group work has already achieved its purpose. And that the external help coming from group work is coming its maturity to be terminated.

Future assignment

This is the next place
where I might be doing
some advocacy and leg work
in restorative justice.
I might be helping this place
in creating and implementing
better diversion programs
for children in conflict with the law.

New place. New gaps to resolve.
A pioneering work. That's my cup of tea.

Ball, bar and a blessing

I took a risk today and bought a bouncy ball and two bars of chocolate from the last few pesos I had in my coin purse. The ball and bar was to be used for my group therapy session of my clients in the youth detention center. It was really a risk. And a stupid decision really.

Because of unforeseen expenses this week, my tight budget became really, really, REALLY tight. Hence the last few coins left for the next three days of the week.

The ball and bar session went well though. I saw the kilometric long smiles and light weight hearts after the activity. Feedbacks given by clients are beyond my expectations. They wanted to do the session again. In a way, my stupidity paid off. However, my lean coin purse became, errrrr, leaner.

Prayer of a worker inside a youth detention center

At the back of this Hall of Justice is the detention center where I am currently doing my fieldwork. It just dawned to me that I have been spending tremendous time there for more than two months now. And the weird thing is that I feel a bit sad to leave the detention center after office hours. Haha. This fixation in working with children in conflict with the law which was a passion is becoming an addiction. (Just kidding!)

Let me share with you my prayer one time regarding the youth that I am helping inside the detention center.

How I have come to love these people God! Sometimes I see myself that I care for them with an extraordinary love that is far beyond myself. You showed them to me. You showed me who they really are, to see them as You do. And whenever I see them your way, your love always overwhelms me and pours out towards them. To open my eyes, You first love me. And as I feel your Spirit loving me, I can't help wanting whatever makes them more to like You. I love them but my love wouldn't be enough. They need and deserve much more. With all my love and strength, I pray that You give me your love for these youth. Love them through me.