Quarter life crisis

I am a hasty man. I don't wait to turn 50 so I can have my mid-life crisis. At 25, I had my quarter life crisis. A fore-taste of the mid-life philosophical/ spiritual questioning.

Erik H. Erikson, who proposed eight crises that humans face during their development, proposed the existence of a life crisis occurring at this age. The conflict he associated with young adulthood is the Intimacy vs. Isolation crisis. According to him, after establishing a personal identity in adolescence, young adults seek to form intense, usually romantic relationships with other people. Well, in my case, I felt like I don't have a full grasp of who I am. It's like a juvenile hangover. Same with the alcohol hangover, but more like a who-am-I-please-answer-soon-because-my-age-tells-me-I-am too-old-to-ask-this-question.


Some research says that people experiencing a quarter life crisis often feel "lost, scared, lonely or confused" about what steps to take in order to transition properly into adulthood. I say, "Hell yeah." Or if I need to conform to Christian ethics, I'd say, "A big AMEN to that!"

During those months, I feel like a stone placed on a busy highway. It's like I see life flashing fast in my fast and there is no way that I can relate myself to world's motion. I felt alienated, un-belonged (?), irrelevant, useless and to some extent un-valuable and unlikeable.

It was a difficult period since I know I have to function and do what the world expects me to do (smile when someone smiles at me, do my papers in my Master's class, attend Sunday services, work excellently as to give the highest satisfaction to my employer). I was literally dragging myself to life.

And funny that I cannot share it to anyone. Because I am afraid that I might get misinterpreted and judge. Well, I tried sharing it to some close friends. The responses were awful. "You need to reestablish your quite time." (as if the Lord is limited to communicate to me through my reading. And I am reading! I've been desperately praying). "Maybe there are unconfessed sins." (yes, I have been sinning and talking to the Lord about it, but this is beside the point, shutup, shutup, ahrggh never mind). "You need a girlfriend." (Hello! Focus on my here and now, the me, the me! Aren't you listening?)

Well, based from the responses, most of my friends have been diagnosticians more than emphatic listeners. So I stopped sharing my sentiments to people and just went directly to God. Good thing, there is no limit to length and frequency of praying.

Now that I've been thinking, I cannot fully say that I have resolved the crisis. There are momentary relapse, I think. I just hope that when it's over, I will smile and tell myself, see Lester, you know better now.

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About the picture: It's a really, really old clock hanging on the wall of one of the hidden rooms of College of Education (CE), University of the Philippines-Diliman. CE is one of the oldest building erected in UPd.